I have been unemployed for 15 months now. I was depressed at first, because I missed the people I worked with. Once I got used to it, I enjoyed it for a while. After about three months, I started hating it. I missed working. I tried to find a new job, and even went on a few interviews. I guess I wasn't what they were looking for, because I continued to be unemployed. I kept looking, but no luck. Nobody wanted what I had to offer. I began to doubt my own abilities, and became discouraged.
Amongst all the searching, I discovered I was pregnant. I kept searching for a job, because I knew we would need the extra income. I checked several online job sites, talked to some people I knew. No luck. Most businesses were on a hiring freeze, because the economy was going downhill. Still, I continued to look. As my pregnancy progressed, my searching slowed down. I knew my chances for finding a job were getting slimmer. Not too many places would want to hire me, then have me turn around and go on Maternity Leave.
By my seventh/eighth month of pregnancy, I decided I should give up until after I had the baby. It was hard for me, because I never saw myself as a housewife or stay-at-home mom. I enjoy working, and being around lots of people. I don't mind cleaning, as long as I get paid to do it. In my ninth month of pregnancy, I discovered the baby was breech, which meant I had to have a C-section. I was not thrilled about this discovery. C-sections require the mother to be mostly inactive for two weeks. I was practically confined to my bed, and wasn't allowed to go too many places.
Thankfully, those two weeks went quickly, and I was back to being able to do anything and go anywhere. I started wanting to look for a job, but we had no internet service, and were down to one car! So, looking for a job was limited to word-of-mouth, or an occasional day when I took Rex to work and kept the car. The baby was getting bigger, and I was "stuck" at home taking care of her. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby. I just never imagined I would be home every day, with nothing but housework and baby care to do. Of course, my situation should have motivated me to do something around the house. It didn't.
Then, Rex did our taxes, and we got a nice tax return. After buying a digital video camera, a 22in flat screen LCD television, and more stuff we needed for the baby, we were finally able to get cable TV and internet service. I was now able to go back to those job websites. My OB had already cleared me for full activity, so I could find a job! Of course, by then I was starting to feel guilty about wanting to go back to work. I convinced myself I was a bad mom for wanting to be at work, rather then at home. Rex reassured me that I was still a good mom, and encouraged me to look for work.
I started checking the job sites, but too many places are still not hiring. Some businesses are even closing their doors. People are losing their jobs or getting laid off. I started becoming discouraged again, then a friend of mine told me they were hiring where she works. I became excited, and decided to apply for the job opening. I went in yesterday, filled out the application, and took a "Personality Survey". Now, I just wait and pray. It's no longer up to me. I did my part. If this is the right job for me, God will allow it to happen. If it's not, I'll keep looking. I'm feeling pretty optimistic, but only God knows.
For anyone who has read this, I could use your prayers, too. Please ask that God reveal his plan for my employment. If He wants me to have this job, great. If He wants me to be a stay-at-home mom, I will do my best to accept it and adjust. I can only do what He wants.
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